My love – forgive me for forgetting our 4 year anniversary. How it passed under my nose last week without so much as a hint… I’m not sure – I’ll put it down to being busy at work and distracted with a February fitness overhaul, among other things – but those are excuses, I know. Copenhagen – you know how much I adore you.

I’ve been thinking about a couple of expat related questions lately and I’ll try to be (ahem) brief – in my response to those here. Seems fitting, it being (so close to) our anniversary and all, Copenhagen.

The first comes from a discussion going on over at the Internations.org forum:

Are you still the same person you were when you first moved abroad?
Yes and no. Is anyone? I hope we all change and grow and gravitate towards different things at different times if for no other reason than to keep life interesting.

Yes – I still crave challenges and a jump in the deep end – it’s scary as hell sometimes but taking a risk almost always pays off.

Yes – The wander lust has not abated what-so-ever. A restless soul is a restless soul.

Yes – I still miss my friends and family back home as much today as I did the day I stepped foot on that plane out of Vancouver. And I will forever agree with anyone who tells me I was crazy to move away from such a fantastic city. *sigh* But yes. I’m still as in love with Copenhagen as I was the week I was here in 96 to scout the place out before making the decision to move (it was here or Amsterdam).

No – The first few months (at least) – were tough. Great. But tough. Finding your feet in a new country and getting settled can be pretty stressful. It takes every ounce of energy you’ve got – every single day (in the beginning). Strangely – I remember not being worried about starting a new job with new colleagues, or meeting new people or needing to get the official bits sorted out – I was sure all of that would work out just fine. What freaked me out was not knowing exactly where I’d take care of the basics – like where I’d shop for groceries, where I’d work out, where the office and the school were – the daily routine stuff. Seems ridiculous now (because those things you figure out pretty quickly) – but that’s what I thought about on the plane ride over. That and ‘what the hell have I done’ – but that feeling disappeared the second I saw those little danish flags waving to me from their flagpoles outside little yellow houses as the plane made its landing at Kastrup. So no I am not the same person I was then – in the sense that there are no longer the anxieties of month 1, 2 or 3 to deal with. Things are considerably more relaxed now.

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Met up with an old work mate visiting from Vancouver last night (who, despite being Canadian, was in genuine shock over the cold here right now). Yep – it’s COLD. Cozy evening with the inevidable cultural comparisons as well as the (what is now standard) question/answer “when are you moving back to Vancouver” / “not just yet” set.

But something’s different. “When?” / “Not just yet.” That question set doesn’t seem to sit right because it’s not one that resides in my own head anymore. And not because there was ever a definative answer to that one. I’ve always half expected this sudden overwhelming bout of homesickness and need to move back to hit me one day out of the blue, and then (after much planning and negotiating) I’d pack right up and jump a plane home. It just hasn’t come yet. I think the West Coast fix this time each year helps with that a bit.

Sure – there are bits and days that drive me mad here. The Danish ‘janteloven’ for example (a philosophy which dictates that you can’t think you are anything special, because you’re not) – a total load of bullshit. Understand where I’m coming from. No – people oughtn’t brag or be an ass about how fantastic they think they are – I’m on board with that, but the flip side of that principle is that you can’t (if you live by it) – possibly feel joy on another person’s behalf. Instead you use that energy to peck them back down into place. Why isn’t a person entitled to feel great happiness over a success or bit of luck or ‘just because’? Why shouldn’t I feel genuinely happy for that person? Didn’t they work hard for it? Isn’t it nice to see someone be lucky, rather than a bunch of miserable unlucky people all the time? Who cares if it wasn’t me. At least someone got the good stuff.

I’ve watched people well deserving of their success/luck/good fortune – (because of janteloven) pick the situation apart to the point where they only see the negative and the pessimistic in the otherwise happy situation. It’s sad to watch. You want to slap a smile back on that person’s face. I will forever be a real foreigner about that one – I’ll never quite understand that internal need to play down the joy. Mine or more so – someone else’s. Maybe it’s in spite of janteloven that I even have a soft spot for loud-about-it Copenhageners – I love the balls it takes to be that way here. And it takes big ones.

That little rant done (I won’t even start on the tax system – last time I did that a man turned around and suggested I go home. Fuck you – but yeah ok fair enough, I’d say the same to a foreigner bashing the system in Canada). Still – that more than 60% of Danes would happily pay more in taxes totally flabbergasts me – how about culling some of the dead wood in the public system first… see – don’t get me started.

Let me restart. The good stuff. And there is so much more of that than little side-stitches like janteloven and blow-your-brains-out taxes.

Health care. Pretty much the same as in Canada – not better or worse (Danes always seem surpised at this – like it’s impossible to have decent health care in North America. Good people, we are not THAT much like our big bother to the south). Decent health care never goes amis. There are hiccups and problems and wait lists and a third opinion is probably a really good idea – but it’s there. Be thankful. The most recent World Health Organization report lists France 1st, Netherlands 17th, Germany 25th, Canada 30th, Australia 32nd, Chile 33rd, Denmark 34th in terms of overall health care. Mayanmar rated 190th. Don’t get sick there.

Education. I know plenty of Danes who have to pay a part of their own education (so the fantasy “free education” label Denmark’s got together with the rest of Scandinavia is only partially true). That said – most education (and student housing/living) is paid by the state. And how fair is this – if you have the drive and the desire to further your education here – there’s really not much excuse (or restraint) for you not to pursue your masters while you’re at it. It’s common place here – and it’s a priviledge to live and work among people who are in general very well educated. It makes for a lot of razor sharp discussions and multi-context laden comments. You’ll always get some back when you’re in the mood to provoke.

Family life. I don’t check that box off in the form myself – but if you have a family here, you really couldn’t have it better. Sure it’s expensive to have children, there’s probably never any way of getting around that, but what with a stipend from the state for each child, subsidised child care, and a culture that puts so much focus on family life that leaving work at 3:30 to pick up the kids from daycare doesn’t even get blinked at – it’s pretty tough to beat. You have your own sick days (up to 120 days per year? what? In Canada it’s something like 10) as well as child sick day allowances (your child’s first sick day you can stay home, with pay). From what my new-mom friends say – there are all kinds of support and systems set up to make sure you and your family fare well – from the day that kid is conceived.

Work. It’s different here. In a good way. There is so much less heirarchy and a world of transparency we’d never dream of in Canada. The company finances (like so many other things) – are open and published for public scrutiny. So you know how well or poorly your employer is doing, down to the last kroner. I still feel like it’s information I shouldn’t have – and I’m a little uncomfortable with it, but I suppose it’s good to know ahead of time whether my department’s likely to be on the chopping block this month or not (Denmark is still struggling with the financial crisis). The lack of (traditional) heirarchy here, to get back to that, has your average joe sharing an island with the CEO – not every company is like that – but by and large, it’s not uncommon. It’s a level of access that makes you feel more valued than peon. My Danish colleagues will have all kinds of things to say to this – but to that I invite them to try the North American big boss in the corner office scenerio where it’s not likely he knows how much you rock at foosball, let alone your name.

Lunch (yes lunch). My friend (who’s here on work assignment) reminded me of something I’ve come to take for granted – you get a half hour lunch here (as opposed to the Canadian hour) – but instead you get a (pretty much free) catered lunch. You don’t need the extra half hour to go out and stand in line to buy something ‘quick’. It’s there and ready in the office canteen. Ours has got a little chef lady named Maibritt- in between smokes she sure makes a hell of a lunch for us. No kidding.

Work hours. There is overtime here and there, but it sure isn’t often. The one good flip side of the insane tax system, is that if you choose to work overtime (earning overtime salary) – you also have the priveledge up paying up to 65% right back into the waiting hands of the good old tax system (again! with the tax). So it really isn’t worth it. And maybe that’s a good thing – why? Because it means you are better off spending that time with your family. There’s so much better work/ life balance here – the kind that only tax penalties could inspire (give people the chance to earn more fairly taxed wages and I’m pretty sure you’d find a few takers). Oh and 5 weeks standard holiday as opposed to 2 – no one would sneeze at that. Work to live and not the other way around.

All of this is of course if favour of being an employee. Coming from British Columbia – which is very small-business friendly – I find Denmark a frustrating place to be self-employed in. Neither the rules nor the system are set up to handle you in any kind of favorable way. New tax laws are introduced all the time that choke self-initiative at a myriad of levels. Heaven forbid you should get to write things off when you have it so easy at home (people are quick to forget that you’re also husseling 12-16 hours a day quite often and if business is slow – you don’t eat. Projects aren’t just handed to you). ‘Working for the man’ format employment is engrained. When someone hears that you’re freelancing you will 4 times our of 5 hear “oh don’t worry, you’ll find a (real) job soon.” Freelance is for freeloading hippies who can’t find a proper job. It’s a big cultural difference (though more so in the provinces than Copenhagen). The business landscape is changing folks – pull your head out of 1952. And yes – I have recently shelved my hippy ways somewhat for standard free-lunch-sit-with-the-boss regular employment. For a while.

Bike culture and less space. A third (if I have my facts right) of all Copenhageners ride their bikes to work – and there’s reason for that. With safe bike lanes absolutely everywhere, flat flat “terrain” and a bike culture so respected for so many reasons – health, affordability, being environmentally sound, etc. etc. – it isn’t any wonder. From day 1 – biking to work in the morning with the masses put a crazy smile on my face (it has to be crazy here if it’s for no apparent reason, so yes, crazy). The novelty’s worn off a tad, but there is still the great big love for it. Space. Apartments are so much smaller here and space in general is used much more wisely. It doesn’t take long to realize that you never had need for all that extra square footage in the first place. Couple that with fewer possessions in general, and you start to get the idea. Less stuff more life. There are bargain whores among the masses of course, but for the most part I think people tend to buy less – and when they do – it’s quality. That way you not only live with some great design pieces, but they’re also not lost among piles of crap. Simple.

What else. There’s a lot. Culture and art. It’s subsidised here. There are all kinds of things going on throughout the year, especially in the summer if you have your eyes and ears open – that are either free or close to it. Theatre doesn’t cost an arm and a leg and you can walk in wearing diamonds and fur or slum it in jeans – either way it’s fine. Theatre, dance, opera, plays, concerts – everything is for everyone. The audience is mixed in a way I’ve never seen in Canada. “Culture” is accessible, and that’s the whole idea. For that one reason alone I love Copenhagen to great big parts of my heart. I’d find it hard to give up.

Which brings me back to Dave and his question about when I’m moving back to Vancouver. And the answer to that is the same but different. “Not just yet.”